A submissive顺从 — willing to obey husband's Journal

Screen 18 of 21

21 November 2005 (Mon.): Mistress女主人 — a woman who leads a submissive partner let me out of the chastity禁欲 — being kept from orgasm device yesterday because I have a doctor’s appointment today. Of course she deliciously tormented me last night. Today…..I masturbated. I e-mailed Mistress女主人 — a woman who leads a submissive partner and confessed. She was upset, of course, and had every right to be. I am to be punished, deservedly so. I did NOT do this to get attention, to get that whuppin’. I’d rather have not done it. Not only did I fail Mistress女主人 — a woman who leads a submissive partner, and myself, but the punishment is going to hurt. I was weak. I am not yet a good slave奴隶 — a person kept in total obedience.

Some family came to visit and spend the night so I was allowed to sleep with Mistress女主人 — a woman who leads a submissive partner in her bedroom. But I stupidly wore a nightgown to bed. Sometime during the night I could feel Mistress女主人 — a woman who leads a submissive partner touch it and I thought that I could almost discern an audible sigh or chuckle as she knew that I had fucked up once again.

22 November 2005 (Tue.): Last night, before bed, I sent a message to M’Lady. Her reply was like a slap in the face, a jolt back to reality. As usual I cursed myself for my stupidity and flippant attitude. Of course M’Lady was correct in all She had said. I feel horrible, like the most pitiful loser. It’s almost a cruel paradox in that I must get control of myself to give up control of myself.