Real Stories - March 2005

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From Thomas B:

Dear Ms. Sutton: I wanted to share my experience with your readers to emphasize the importance of patience, communication and, perhaps most of all, the ability to get beyond BDSM stereotypes in developing a loving, female dominant relationship.

Briefly, my wife and I are in our late 40s and recently celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. We're blessed with good educations, careers and a wonderful son.

Since at least my late teens I was captivated by female dominant imagery and literature. Occasionally, I acted out my fantasies with the help of various professional Dominatrixes女支配者 — a dominant woman, for whom I am most grateful.

I subconsciously recognized potential female dominant characteristics in my wife from the time we met, and this no doubt helped seal the bond I felt towards her. She was (and is) strongly sexual, very direct, and believes that a strong sense of self is the key to good relationships.

During the first decade of our marriage my various attempts to make our relationship female dominant in nature were unsuccessful, so unsuccessful that for several years we were contemplating divorce. These failures were due to three primary reasons:

1.Putting my needs/wishes/fantasies ahead of hers;

2.Subscribing to unrealistic expectations of a 24/7全天 — all day and every day Dom/sub顺从者 — a submissive person relationship featuring lots of whips and chains and leather; and

3.Pulling back emotionally and sexually from her when she rebuffed my efforts to impose a female dominant cast on our marriage.