Real Stories - March 2005

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So, through communication and experimentation we've found a way to construct a marriage that bears some of the features of a female dominant relationship and yet confounds them. She controls my sex, yet insists on formal equality in the rest of our lives. She has sexual freedom while I am pledged exclusively to her, yet she gets an intense charge from being tied up and pleasured in a way that many would see as "submissive顺从 — willing to obey."

Ms. Sutton, are we fulfilling your ideals or betraying them?

Elise’s Response:

Thomas, my ideals are not what’s important. It is your wife’s ideals that you need to be concerned about and if you continue to focus your attention on what she desires, than you will definitely be living a FemDom女性支配 — female domination relationship.

You are confusing the submissive顺从 — willing to obey role with the submissive顺从 — willing to obey position within D&S play. If your wife wants to be tied up for erotic and sexual pleasure and if you do this to her and for her (even if you do not find this activity to be particularly arousing), she is definitely in the dominant role in your relationship, even if she is sometimes in a submissive顺从 — willing to obey role during your D&S sessions. She is not topping you from below by giving you orders on what she wants. She is in fact topping you from above because she is in the dominant role within your relationship.