Q&A Forum - August/September 2016 (Best of Elise)

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A. I receive letters from men who ask me how they can experience subspace. Some men try too hard. I explain that you can’t “will” yourself to subspace because that means you are focused on yourself. In order to achieve subspace a man must lose himself in the woman. He must lose himself in her very essence and he must surrender himself to her, he must sacrifice himself to her. Once a man surrenders to her and once his entire focus is on her, then subspace can be achieved.

Subspace is a tranquil and somewhat hypnotic state that comes from the absolute surrender of the human will. Your description of your experience with your wife fits perfectly with what I classify as “subspace”.

I analyze subspace from a psychological perspective, not from a biological perspective. I have had people in the BDSM community disagree with my description of subspace. They like to classify it as a masochist that enters a state known as subspace via endorphins that are released in the brain to block the pain and this causes the submissive顺从 — willing to obey to obtain a “high” from the endorphins. Endorphins are hormones that bind to opiate receptors and they reduce the sensation of pain and can affect the emotions. I do not doubt the validity of the high that endorphins provide to a masochist. However, I feel that this is different from subspace.