Question and Answer Forum - Page 12

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What do you suggest for my wife so that she can feel empowered and dominant, and yet not abusive and hurtful? I have suggested that as long as we both agree to our relationship, and as long as the focus is on sexuality and eroticism, then she can feel comfortable. What are your thoughts on this?

A. Being dominant and being abusive are entirely two different things. One only need look at the definitions of these words in the dictionary to understand the difference.

Dominant - Exercising the most influence or control. Ruling; governing; prevailing; controlling.

Abusive - Expressing offensive reproach. Hurtful; wrongly used; misapplied.

Your wife's mother was probably expressing hurt and resentment toward her husband through her abusive behavior. Perhaps it was directed toward him personally or perhaps it was an expression of hurt caused in her childhood and she was expressing that hurt by berating your wife's father.