Q&A Forum - January 2009 (best of Elise)

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He not only wants me to dominate him (which I find is a real turn-on) but he wants me to inflect pain on him. Obviously nothing that will damage or permanently hurt him, but what I feel is extreme pain all the same. My question to you is where does this type of thinking come from? I need to understand why he needs this and where this need comes from before I can be free with this part of our relationship.

Thank you again, for getting us this far.

A. Unless your husband is a true masochist (which I seriously doubt) what he really desires is punishment and/or discipline at the hands of a woman whom he trusts. Most so-called masochists are in fact mental masochists and not physical masochists. A lot of men have a fantasy of being the receiver of severe pain from a sadistic female but very few would actually find the reality of such an activity to be enjoyable. Any Pro Dom will tell you that it is common for a client to ask for a “severe session” because that is his fantasy. Yet, it takes no time at all for him to use his safe word安全词 — a word that means stop as he discovers the reality is much different from the fantasy, for while our minds are limitless in where they can go in thought and desire, the limitations of the body will quickly bring one down to reality.