Q&A Forum - March 2008 (The best of Elise)

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These false beliefs and shame were caused in my infancy by my mother, through inadequate nurture and abdication of my care to my two-year-older brother. This nurture deprivation caused by her own childhood traumas and self-focus could be considered a mild form of emotional abuse. I am pursuing recovery to change my false beliefs and to lead me away from the sexual addictive behaviors that I’ve been using to medicate the painful feelings caused by the false beliefs. Through recovery, I am forgiving my mother and releasing any resentment that I feel toward her.

The family chain of generations of dysfunctional relationships involving domineering women and passive men needs to be broken. My mother and her mother were self-focused and domineering. My wife’s mother was domineering. My father was passive and selflessly served my mother. My mother’s father left my grandmother when my mother turned 18 as an escape from his domineering wife. As I previously said, I have released some resentment that I held about having a controlling wife, but I certainly need to address emotional and physical intimacy issues in our marriage.

A. Thank you for taking the time to write this letter as I am sure the exercise was a form of therapy. You are embarking on a new chapter in your life. You have been getting counseling and have been part of a recovery group for eleven years but your desire for female domination is still there because it is rooted in your nature.