Q&A Forum - March 2019

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What is your take on these behaviors? Have you ever done any of those activities and do you like them personally? Thanks in advance for your answer.

A. I have done all that you list with the exception of using a man as a human ashtray. I do not smoke but I have been around women who do and who have used men as their ashtrays. I would classify this under the objectification of the submissive顺从 — willing to obey male. The psychological reasons are similar to men who want to be objectified, such as being a woman’s footstool, or her doormat, or her bathmat, or her rug, or her seat cushion, or her clothes rack, etc. The only difference with being a woman’s ashtray is that you have to endure the disgusting taste of the cigarette butts and their ashes. That places this fetish恋物 — a strong sexual focus on one thing over more toward humiliation羞辱 — shame given on purpose play.

Objectification play is naturally about humiliation羞辱 — shame given on purpose play but with most elements of objectification play there is also an element of bondage捆绑 — being tied or restrained involved. A man can drift off into subspace, induced from the helpless feeling of being a woman’s footstool or her coffee table. But that is not the case with the desire of being used as an ashtray. Being a woman’s ashtray is heavy on humiliation羞辱 — shame given on purpose and it involves interaction. You have to be attentive to your Mistress女主人 — a woman who leads a submissive partner and you have to focus as you endure the ashes from her cigarettes or her cigar.