Q&A Forum - November 2008 (Best of Elise)

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Q. Hi Elise. Thank you for your site, especially the Q&A sections. I am new to this: About 3 months ago, I began dating a submissive顺从 — willing to obey man who has over 8 years experience with BDSM. While I am not very confident or comfortable in a dominant role, I'm willing to slowly try things and see where my comfort level is on various activities.

Now to my question. I work for a Catholic church, and am very much an advocate of social justice, human rights, etc. I believe all people are of equal value and are loveable; that we are each God's beautiful creation, and should be treated as such.

While your Q&A section on 'Spirituality and Religion" was very informative, it didn't touch on the concern I have most. How do I reconcile my belief that I am to treat my loved one 'as I would want to be treated', with some of the acts of BDSM, like humiliation羞辱 — shame given on purpose, pain infliction, forced submission, etc. That is, can inflicting pain, humiliation羞辱 — shame given on purpose, etc., be moral ways of acting?

The man I'm dating and I had a long conversation about this last night. He asked whether my morality is going to be a problem. His concern is that I will come to feel there is indeed a conflict between my values and those activities, and that I'll want to end the relationship because of that. I too wonder if I'll be able to reconcile my beliefs with the lifestyle he wants and with which I am experimenting.