Q&A Forum - November 2014 (The best of Elise)

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Nevertheless, if you both find the mind games and the fantasy to be exciting, she could tell you that it is permanent while she leaves her future options open. That way for the immediate future it will have a powerful effect on your psyche and she can get the eroticism out of it, yet for the long-term she will still have the right to end your permanent denial. Again, the terminology of “permanent denial” can have different meanings for different couples. It is never a good idea to hold to a strict definition of the word “permanent” no matter what the activity. No one knows what the future holds so that is why it is always prudent to leave your options open.

Q. Dear Elise, First let me thank you for your website, books and publication. It's so nice to have a place where one can find intelligent, thoughtful discussion. I'm 52 years old and have been aware of my dominant nature all my life. I have recently run into a situation that I find confusing.

Several months ago I began corresponding with a man 14 years my junior. We spoke on the phone a number of times and I agreed to meet him. He became anxious and backed out of the meeting and we were not in touch for several months. He re-emerged and asked for "another chance" and though I would typically not consider that, there was something very genuine about him so I agreed.