Q&A Forum - October 2008 (Best of Elise)

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I do love him dearly, and I know that if he found out about my 'alter-ego' he would be upset and feel betrayed. I have met a selected few of my online pets for play-times (no penetrative sex involved) and now I am starting to feel dishonest and somewhat guilty for looking outside of my relationship. If he was a submissive顺从 — willing to obey male in all aspects of our life I would not hesitate to kill off all other D&S avenues. He is a cute, gentle, morally-strong, self-assured and kind man. All that a woman could dream of....except in my case for one thing, his submission.

What advice can you offer me? Should I turn my back on fetish恋物 — a strong sexual focus on one thing-oriented D&s and settle for what is a relationship all my female friends envy? With all best wishes & kind regards.

A. Only you can answer this question but I think you know the answer and that is why you wrote me. You cannot walk away from who you are as a dominant woman. Yes, you can suppress your nature and you can sacrifice for this man and you can have a wonderful relationship with him, perhaps for a season, perhaps longer. But you know that your dominant desires will surface again. Maybe you can suppress them for months, maybe years but they will come back. I doubt if you will be able to experience your lover bathing you and washing your hair without those dominant energies stirring and wanting to bust through.