Q&A Forum - October 2012 (The best of Elise)

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You also suffer from an unhealthy self-image and that is why you developed your “I’m a bad and worthless person” self-image. Your mother more than likely suffered from a similarly low self-esteem but it manifested itself differently in her. That may be hard for you to understand because you were the object of her emotional abuse (although you classified it as “mild abuse” which tells me that you may be trying to overanalyze your childhood). Nevertheless, I think you are on the correct path to recovery by seeking to forgive those that may have harmed you and by coming to terms with your childhood hurts.

It is true that the sins of the parents are often passed down to the children and the cycle of abuse does become generational. I would argue that the cycle that needs to be broken in your family is not one of domineering women and passive men but a cycle of emotional abuse due to an unhealthy self-image. If your mother did emotionally abuse your father it was not because she was dominant but rather because she had emotional scars from her childhood which manifested itself in her low self-image. A woman who emotionally abuses her husband and children is not demonstrating loving female authority (which is what I endorse).