countessanne

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I have noticed in your magazine a concern for women, and a desire to help them understand the S&M scene. I appreciate that, because I think there are a lot of pitfalls for women to watch out for. In our workshops last spring, for example, we talked a great deal to the men about not ``leaving egg on her face." We call it the, "Not now, dummy," syndrome. The guy has a certain scene he wants to do and he has told his woman friend about it, encouraging her to jump in there and be dominant over him. So one night, she feels the energy to do that, and decides, "All right, I'm hot and I want to play now." She comes on to him dominantly and he says, "Not now, dummy". This is a real negative message for a woman who has just begun to explore S/M. The kind of partner she's with, and the type of reactions she receives are really critical to her confidence and ability to project dominant energy. She's likely not to want to it again if she gets the now, dummy", reaction.

C.A.: It stands to reason that men have been taught that they are the dominant on and even in a session, a man will try to tell the dominant what to do and how. What you suggest to the woman that can help overcome the situation?