Q&A Forum - January 2009 (best of Elise)

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Q. I think the whole BDSM experience, whether it's a male or female in control, is all about love on a grander scale. Simply put, to love and to be loved.

If there were no forms of love involved of any nature (kissing, hugging, cuddling, intercourse, any kind of affection) would you or anyone else be able to dominate another?

A. Love and intimacy are not necessarily the same thing. Intimacy is an expression of love but one can love another without being intimate.

It has been said that the nature of Love can be broken into three levels: Eros, Philia, and Agape. The term Eros (Greek erasthai) is used to refer to that part of love constituting a passionate, intense desire for something, it is often referred to as a sexual desire, hence the modern notion of 'erotic'. In contrast to the desiring and passionate yearning of Eros, Philia entails a fondness and appreciation of the other. Philia is about friendship but not necessarily intimacy. Agape refers to the paternal love of God for man and for man for God but is extended to include a brotherly love for all humanity.

Romantic love is deemed to be of a higher metaphysical and ethical status than sexual or physical attractiveness alone. The action of loving encompasses a broad range of behavior including caring, listening, attending to, preferring to others, and so on.