Q&A Forum - January 2009 (best of Elise)

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Now for the sake of this discussion I am not going to talk about how pain can release endorphins, which can cause a euphoric sensation. That factors into the desires of a masochist, but I want to focus on the mental reasons why a man says he wants to be punished, as that is the more common reason men want to experience pain at the hand of a woman.

I would venture to guess that what your husband desires is punishment and he equates pain with punishment. Maybe it is due to his guilt or perhaps it is just a manifestation of his desire for loving female authority. But he craves to be disciplined and/or punished by a woman. Such an activity should yield contentment if you also balance it out with nurturing.

Your challenge is to find his threshold where he can feel the discomfort from the punishment but it will not be too severe as to affect his mind, as he yields to the discipline and surrenders his will over to your will. Start out mild and build up to more moderate over time. Always allow him a safe word安全词 — a word that means stop and communicate with him afterwards (not immediately but shortly after the session is over) to see if he could have taken more. And never forget to hug him and nurture him after a session to bring balance.